This is one of my favorite birthday activities: Dissecting my bullshit birthday horoscope, both for my overall sign and for my birthday individually. I like doing an end-of-day check of the horoscope to see if it was right or not every once in a while. Usually, it’s comically off, but every once in a while ...

23 years ago right about now, a doctor was telling my mom, “You know, if this child doesn’t come out soon, we may have to perform a Caesarean.” My mother, who had been experiencing the Joy and Wonder of Childbirth for about 21 hours at that point, grabbed him by his tie, and pulled him ...

An annoying new trend has shown up in my inbox: Spammers stretching out words so that they don’t have to misspell them in entertaining new ways (like VIAGKJRA), and getting around my spam filter. I know we’re all looking for “Roooock Hard Erectiooons In 60 Seecooonds” as one ad promised me, though the most ironic ...

Casey started this round of Music quizzing, and it’s quite fascinating. My own contribution: Favorite song with the name of a city in the title: “Is Chicago, Is Not Chicago,” by Soul Coughing. All the Lucinda Williams songs mentioned by Casey and his commenters are great too. Song you’ve listened to repeatedly when you were ...

Beacuse I don’t know anyone who’d go near one of these without one. I saw that on Fark and remembered the good old days, when my mom used to use little butter tubs full of beer to attract and kill slugs in our yard. The slugs would not only drink the beer but absorb it, ...

They hit the nail on the head with the fabulous new Gay Couple Feels Pressured To Marry. There’s any number of priceless quotes, but this one is my personal favorite: “Although Burton said she is strongly in favor of allowing gay couples to form legal unions and enjoy all of the civil and social benefits ...

Ah, hiatus. I’m now officially on a 2-month break from my employers at the show, since we’re not taping anything new for 3 months, and they don’t really need us underlings back for a couple months. The downside, of course, is that this is not a paid hiatus. While it would be glorious to get ...

This would have made a far better story than my time sitting in traffic after a big road salt spill. Be sure to read the last two paragraphs. UPDATE: This is even better. Although the thought of all that cheap, shitty beer going to waste makes me want to cry.

The season’s wrapping up, so I’ve been to a number of parties over the last few days, and I think I’ve learned a couple of things that I’d like to share with you all. Co-workers + alcohol = Good Times Co-workers + alcohol + karaoke = Hilarity Ensues*. All your co-workers + open bar + ...