Please buy me one of these and send it to me in the States. I’ll love you forever if you do, because that’s just too damn funny. Too bad it’s fake.

Hear that? It’s the gentle sound of a clock (that’s still an hour behind because I never changed it to reflect the end of Daylight Savings time) ticking. Silence. My asshat neighbors really did it last night, and I think they’ve gotten new speakers. Their music has grown considerably louder, as if they’re telling the ...

My Cousin Mark has returned to the fold of bloggers, after about a one-year absence, during which time I presume he actually went outside. A link to his new site sits to your right.

I’ve been doing a bit of working out, on the theory that if I’m going to end up doing nothing all summer, I might as well try to get in a shape other than round. But one of the exercises I’ve been doing has been causing me more pain than anything else: situps. My abs ...

In my sheer and utter boredom, I’ve taken to reading Defamer, a combination of entertainment industry and celebrity gossip written in a style that makes me stunned it doesn’t collapse under the weight of its own sarcasm. However, they do a public service by pointing out the warped economics of stardom, by comparing celebrity-gift-basket cost ...

There’s a Soul Coughing song whose lyrics occasionally repeat the theme: “It is 5am…and you are listening…to Los Angeles.” But other than annoying radio jerks M. Doughty listened to while he was tripping on acid five years ago and the occasional siren, what is there to listen to at this ungodly hour? Over the last ...

Founder Of The International House Of Pancakes Dies.

At what number of hours of being asleep does it cease to be “sleeping” and become “hibernation”? I ask because I was fucking exhausted after 8 hours of sleep today. And this after doing nothing all week except going dancing last night. 14 hours seemed to be the magic number today. I feel like I’ve ...

I love when you see someone that you think looks exactly like someone you once knew, but you’re in too weird a situation to walk up to them and be like “Your name wouldn’t happen to be…?” Case in point: It’s Gay Pride weekend here in LA, so I got off my fat butt and ...

One thing I’ve splurged on during this fabulous period of unemployment and insomnia has been the fourth season of the Simpsons on DVD. This is definitely worth dipping into savings for. I love the Simpsons, but this season is sheer brilliance. I watched 10 episodes tonight (which is disturbingly easy to do with the “play ...