drugs ← Ellen Shapiro dot com

To The Gentleman In The Vehicle Next To Mine As I Was Departing The Bar This Evening 1

Sep

27

2009

You’d think someone who does enough cocaine that they’ve bothered to purchase a coke spoon would realize that turning the overhead light off in their busted-ass Benz while they’re snorting a giant pile of cocaine would probably be a wise idea. Or perhaps you’re just doing so much coke that you really don’t care who ...

Overcaffeinated

May

11

2009

I really need to remember when I’m not working that I need to adjust my caffeine orders on the rare occasion when I go to Starbucks. I was tired and going to a movie that I defintiely needed to stay awake through, so I stopped by Starbucks and ordered my standard drink: A triple grande ...

Stoned Kitty 3

Dec

21

2008

I went to visit Chaplin tonight during the animal hospital’s visiting hours, and I’ve come back significantly reassured about how he’s doing. Especially after what happened last night. After I posted last night, there were complications. While they were trying to cathetrize and manually unblock him, his urethra tore (cue all the guys reading this ...

Flickr Fun 2

Aug

27

2008

So Flickr has a feature wherein you can compare the statistics of all your pictures, and see which ones are the most popular, see where your hits are coming from, and things of that nature. It’s pretty interesting and a fantastic way to kill time if you’re really bored. I have one photo that is ...

Crickets

Jun

14

2008

Ah, the dulcet tones of the Production Office when there’s a 10am call and a projected exceedingly late wrap – The fridge sadly cranking along, two keyboards clacking away as two sets of hands type bored IMs to friends lucky enough to not be stuck at work at almost 11pm on a Saturday night. You’ll ...

How To Keep Your Kids Away From Drugs

Apr

17

2007

Don’t go for the usual scare tactics. Instead, show them true life tales of exactly how unbelievably dumb people can be when they are stoned: Two Men Arrested After Accidentally Dialing 911 While Trying To Page Their Dealer When Asked For Identification, Man Hands Cop His Pot Pipe And they will not want to smoke ...

Spot The Hole In The Logic! 4

Aug

17

2006

Having taken Chaplin to the vet and determined that his tendency to use me as a chew toy isn’t caused by any underlying medical issue, the vet suggested putting him on Prozac for a couple of months. Let me repeat that: In order to get my cat to stop biting me, I have to make ...