Angelina Jolie’s Divorce Finalized. Woo hoo! Now I have a slightly larger snowball’s chance in hell!

I woke up really early this morning to go to the doctor, and I got the good news that both of my scars are healing well, and are almost done healing. I thought this would be a good omen, and that I’d have a good day. Then I decided to go back to sleep for ...

Yesterday officially marked 31 days since my last surgery, which means I’ve officially gone longer between getting surgeries than my last two entertaining times. Now if only I could be rid of all this gauze and medical tape, I’d be ready to rock and roll.

The “origins” of one of my favorite insults, asshat.

I had an epiphany last night: I have no business trying to get anyone else romantically involved in my life until I get it at least slightly more in order. Yeah, it’d be great to be seeing someone, for all the obvious reasons (sex, companionship, someone to love, an excuse to get out of the ...

Considering the contents of the previous post, I thought it might be a good time to repost the link to the “Are you related to me?” page.

“We get what we need — When the time is right.” – Sermon title posted for one of the churches across the street from my apartment. A forewarning: I’m about to do what every good Northwestern student does, which is severely overanalyze a spontaneous decision that probably had more to do with a random impulse ...

‘Dillo Day: Get up, get drunk, fall down, repeat, Or smoke enough weed you can’t find your feet. Pick your substance on this ridiculous day, And never let sobriety stand in your way. Have Kegs And Eggs at eight a.m. To start this day of drunken mayhem. At NU where students normally bore, Today we’re ...

I’m very glad I was never an average teen, because according to a recent report, the average teen spends about $638 on the prom. I think that figure might work for me if you include the worth of the car I drove to prom in (’83 Buick Skylark, painted a ridiculous color of electric blue…I ...

Mine from the Onion seems particularly pertinent this week: Gemini: (May 21—June 21) While it’s true you’re not a salmon, there’s really no reason you shouldn’t at least try swimming upriver to spawn. I don’t take most shit from the Onion too seriously, but this one struck me as something of a metaphor for my ...