(note: This was written at about 5am last night, but Blogger was down at that time) Do: Get given a stuffed animal from Finding Nemo, of the character played by your namesake. Don’t: Try not to laugh while chugging a drink while your friends sing you Happy Birthday in mock disdain for your friends and ...

Finding Nemo is the best movie I’ve seen in a really long time, from every perspective I can think of (script, originality, visual artistry, humor, emotion, etc.). Go see it. If you’re in Evanston and want to see it, tell me, because I want to see it again.

It has finally happened, after four years: e-shapiro2 has arrived. For three and a half years, I have been the only e-shapiro at Northwestern. But I’ve started getting assorted emails directed at a French department grad student named Elizabeth Shapiro, and it’s starting to piss me off. Reminders to turn in her grades. Invitations to ...

To Denver.

Sorry I haven’t posted much here about what’s going on with my life. I’ve been spending my time avoiding actually getting things done and coming up with all sorts of zany plots, which will be posted about here as they all come to fruition. For now my life’s a bit of a work work sleep ...

Because he has excellent pithy comebacks like: “[Film director Vincent] Gallo has put the heebie-jeebie on my colon and prostate. I am not too worried. I had a colonoscopy once, and they let me watch it on TV. It was more entertaining than [Gallo’s film] ‘The Brown Bunny.'” Further insults for Mr. Gallo can be ...

My Onion horoscope for this week: Gemini: (May 21—June 21) Keep in mind that it’s important to set goals so you feel appropriately pathetic when you fail to achieve them.

I know who I’m casting my ballot for in 2004.

I haven’t been writing because I worked a double Friday and then I’ve been helping people move all weekend. Sorry. Katy left this morning. It sucked. She’s been my roommate for the last two years and has been one of my best friends here. You never realize how much your friends mean to you until ...

“When Johnny Cash writes a good song about you, you better hope you’re Jesus because otherwise you’re nothing but trouble.” – Coop