When I got home tonight, I was greeted, as usual, by Chaplin. However, he didn’t look quite like that picture. He had an additional big black streak on one side of his face. I couldn’t figure out where it could have come from, and I couldn’t get it off with anything (although Chap’s violent objections ...

I’ve been very, very slowly going through my Europe pictures while preparing them for upload, and I found this one, and had a scary thought: At the Hofbrau Haus in Munich, Germany In a little less than three years, this man will be a lawyer. And will be able to sue me for making him ...

In Goat World’s continuing series of helpful hints, I present to you, via Dave Barry’s blog, one of the more ridiculous stories I’ve read in a while. Because when you accidentally vaccum your ponytail so thoroughly that dismantling the vacuum cleaner won’t even free it, it’s beyond time for a haircut. As one of the ...

I was on the phone with my mother this evening, and had the following exchange with her: Mom: Oh, the Christmas Cactus is blooming. Me: Isn’t it a little early for that? Mom: Well, it’s been so hot that I’ve been turning the air conditioning up really high… Me: (uncontrollablle chuckling) Mom: And apparently I ...

1. Wow, look how much bigger my couch appears when there’s not three tons of shit on it! 2. I had no idea my coffee table was this spacious! 3. Where did all this carpet come from? 4. How on earth am I going to file this enormous pile of things that need to be ...

In order to get past increasingly proficient spam filters, spammers are now tucking their ads away in properly-structured but completely absurdist letters. I now present, in its entirety, the Most Amusingly Absurd Spam I’ve Ever Seen, starring Ed Meese, robot-soul-stealing orphans, seductive nurses, and gay economists: After he kissed you, didn’t Ed Meese insist that ...

Posting may be a little light for a bit because I’m trying to figure out my clusterfuck of a job situation. I finish my current job Friday, and I picked up two weeks of temporary work at the reality show I am least likely to ever be picked a contestant for (excluding any and all ...

A few changes on the blog link front: Happily, Tim’s Cancer Info Board is no longer being updated since Tim has managed to sucessfully fend off testicular cancer. Yay Tim! CheshireKim’s blog is dead. For now. She’s killed it only to resurrect it once before, so we’ll see how long she holds out. My money’s ...

CBS, the network behind the spectacularly awful Category 6: Day of Destruction, have decided to turn their sights on my hometown: David Arquette and Richard T. Jones will save the world in a real-time CBS movie tentatively titled “Time Bomb.” The thriller centers on a threat received by the Department of Homeland Security that a ...

I had a great money-saving strategy: Eat everything in the house until I had only the elements of food left, then go to the grocery store. And this morning, all that was left was beer, condiments, salad dressing, and noodles. As my mom rightly surmised, had I run out of beer, I would have gone ...