I had probably the most irritating flight I’ve ever flown on getting to Atlanta tonight. It was ridiculously late, we had to hold for a long time, and there was enough turbulence to make it feel like I was flying in a giant maraca. Then, there was the co-pilot. “Captain Brad and Captain Jody” were ...

I’ll be in Atlanta the next few days (assuming my flight ever leaves today…It’s already showing 2 hours late on AssTran’s website) for Thanksgiving. I’ll be fending off all sorts of fun small loud children, so I’ll likely be retreating to my computer more than once over the next six days. Feel free to call ...

Driving around the other day, I pulled up behind a truck that was festooned with pro-Bush and other conservative wingnut bumper stickers (“I tried to see a liberal’s point of view, but I couldn’t get my head that far up my rectum”). There were a couple of more unusual ones, like the “Bush 2004/Condi 2008” ...

1. That you should wash your car more often: One cheap-o wash gets your car so much cleaner that it actually appears that the paint is now three shades darker. 2. That you need to start actually reading your magazine subscriptions: A two-parter! a) Your stack of unread magazines is over a foot tall and ...

Put me in this nursing home. I’ll be able to die happy, even if I can’t eat solid food.

Or, as Mark pointed out in the comments, all of ABC’s regional scheduling folk who kept the NU-Ohio State game off broadcast television in the West. Instead, I ended up going with Nate to a bar near his house that had the game on. I should have slept in. D’oh.

I hate my local ABC affiliate. Instead of running the NU-Ohio State game at 9am, they’re running assorded kiddie programs (That’s So Raven, Kim Possible, Eyewitness News at Noon, etc.). The only two games being shown out here are the USC and UCLA games, which don’t start until 12:30 and 4, respectively. So instead of ...

Dear High School I Live Next Door To, Please be so kind as to inform your neighbors when you’re planning to set off fireworks, as you did tonight, apparently to celebrate homecoming. This would be especially appreciated since drive-by shootings are not unheard of around here, and a large cluster of loud bangs tends to ...

Who used to enjoy the annual Posting of the Write-In Votes in the student government elections, here’s a few write ins from Guilford County, North Carolina. A few of my personal favorites: Daffy Duck, Donald Duck, Desmond Tutu, Yoda, Jake Delhomme, Jed Clampett, Helen Keller, Frank Zappa, Kilroy, General Zod, Cow Patty, and (of course) ...

I read my horoscope for shits and giggles most days, but today, it was more of a “What the fuck?”: GEMINI (May 21-June 21). Expect an element of the bizarre. At the end of the day, you may wonder if it wasn’t one long hallucination. You were really there — it really happened — and ...