assholes ← Ellen Shapiro dot com

This Story Is Only Hilarious Because I Lived To Tell The Tale 3

Nov

17

2010

I’ve been riding Bike 2.0 around a lot – partly to break it in, and partly because of an ear infection that’s keeping me out of the pool until after Thanksgiving. Since I ride on the Pacific Coast Highway and through Westwood Village quite a bit, I see a lot of really stupid driver behavior ...

Bye Bye Bikey 2

Oct

29

2010

July 29th, I bought a new bike. It took three months minus one day for it to get stolen. I got home last night around 10pm, and as I have for the last three months (minus one day), I locked my bike to my roommate’s flat-tired, rusted-out bike, which is (well, was) locked to a ...

My Irrational Hatred For Tourists Is Now Entirely Rational 1

Aug

25

2010

Sunday afternoon, I finished all my homework early. I wanted to have a nice long workout, and I debated going for a bike ride or going for a swim. It was a really nice day, so I decided to go for a bike ride. I should have gone for a swim. About 32 miles into ...

What’s Left To Be Said

Nov

11

2008

I am (surprise!) really exhausted and overworked, but I wanted to say something more about Prop. 8 and the ongoing legal and PR battle over gay marriage in California. The thing that offends me the most, absolutely the most, about the reaction to legal challenges to the validity of Proposition 8, is the reaction I ...

We’ve Come A Long Way, With A Ways To Go 3

Nov

5

2008

Last night was like the end of a marathon. The elation and ecstatic reaction after Obama finally won the Presidency was surreal, like crossing the finish line first when you barely thought you had a chance. And then, watching Prop 8 pass was like having someone walk up to that same theoretical marathoner and punching ...

Yep, That’ll Do It

May

24

2007

I had several people ask me why, instead of the pegleg, I didn’t just get a scooter. These assholes are a big part of why not. The other part is I don’t think I could get one of those things up the stairs.

Huzzah

Apr

23

2007

I see this idiot’s Hummer every day on the Fox Lot, and I got sorely tempted to post some pictures here but wasn’t sure whether that’d violate some sort of lot rule. Thank you, Defamer, for posting that picture so I don’t have to. Now I can focus on noting that this tool has that ...

I Am Now Officially An Asshole

Nov

17

2006

This Onion article is hilarious from beginning to end, even more so because I just finally got rid of my Treo and got almost the exact same model of Blackberry mentioned: New Mobile-Device Purchase Makes Asshole More Versatile NEW YORK—The new BlackBerry 8703c has allowed total shithead Robert McClain to assign more work to his ...