Birthday Do’s And Don’ts

(note: This was written at about 5am last night, but Blogger was down at that time)

Do: Get given a stuffed animal from Finding Nemo, of the character played by your namesake.

Don’t: Try not to laugh while chugging a drink while your friends sing you Happy Birthday in mock disdain for your friends and then choke on your drink and almost die in a Six Feet Under-style death, being saved only by coughing for half an hour and getting an inhaler given to you by a friend with a broken arm (thanks, Lummis!).

Do: Hang out with people you haven’t seen in a while.

Don’t: Keep drinking even after you know the drunk lag has kicked in.

Do: Drunkenly threaten to kick the ass of bastard friends who have not shown up.

Don’t: Actually attempt to kick anyone’s ass, because you’re far too drunk to think, let alone walk, let alone try to kick anyone’s ass.

Do: Remind yourself how fun getting plastered is.

Don’t: Forget to have plenty of bread and water after finishing your drunkenness, so as not to break your (now 12-year) prolific non-vomit streak.

Do: Celebrate being 22, not just 21.

Don’t: Remind yourself of the tremendous waste your $100,000+ college diploma is being put to.

Do: Have fun.

Don’t: Drunkenly blog. Ooops…

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