Jerry Springer may soon have some competition for the title of Most Ridiculous Person Ever to Serve as Mayor of Cincinnatti.

Annals of spectacular times to find things out, Vol. 1: When you’re half-drunk and just desperately want to go to sleep is a spectacular time to find out the battery in your garage opener is dead as a doornail. Good thing I had a spare 9V upstairs, otherwise I would have been fuuuuucked.

Joliet, Illinois is apparently debating keeping bars open until 5am, in an attempt to give the city a feel more like Rush Street in Chicago. While making the obvious points that Joliet is clearly not Chicago (and should embrace that fact rather than try to create a pale imitation of the larger city), former CRC ...

I don’t mind getting coffee for other people. I honestly don’t, because I understand the need for caffiene. What I do mind is when said coffee for other people spills in my car, as it has twice in the last few weeks. I don’t think there’s anything in the last few years that’s gotten me ...

Moderate Drinking May Prevent Type 2 Diabetes. This is clearly the most logical explanation as to why I have not yet developed diabetes despite my diet of 95% sugar, carbs, and fat: The alcohol is saving me!

Pictures of Elisa and Ray’s kid are up. The ones from the hospital are great too. This one I had to preserve for posterity: That’s Aidan re-enacting “Ain’t Nuthin’ But A G Thang, Baby.” [Rim shot] Thanks, I’ll be here all week.

I’ve wanted to make a duct tape wallet for a while, but I’m too lazy to try and figure out how. 3M, however, has now saved me the trouble. I’m totally making one tonight and taking it to Europe with me instead of my giant fat wallet that I use here. Courtesy the fabulous new ...

Congratulations to Elisa and Ray, who welcomed their son Aidan Daniel today. I’ll link to a picture when one is up. Holy shit, I know people my age with a kid. I suddenly feel very, very old, and very, very freaked out.

It’s always fun to hear a giant crash from the kitchen, then the sound of the cat jumping off of something and running in the opposite direction. But it’s a lot funnier when he manages to knock over a bottle of Jim Beam without shattering it (though breaking off the lid) and then as I’m ...

Please enjoy this picture of me dressed as a bottle of Jack Daniels at Halloween. The baseball cap says “86 Proof” on it and is supposed to be the top of the bottle, but I don’t think that came out too well, either in this picture or just in general. Yes, I made it. Black ...