I’m very glad I was never an average teen, because according to a recent report, the average teen spends about $638 on the prom. I think that figure might work for me if you include the worth of the car I drove to prom in (’83 Buick Skylark, painted a ridiculous color of electric blue…I ...

Mine from the Onion seems particularly pertinent this week: Gemini: (May 21—June 21) While it’s true you’re not a salmon, there’s really no reason you shouldn’t at least try swimming upriver to spawn. I don’t take most shit from the Onion too seriously, but this one struck me as something of a metaphor for my ...

Okay, does anybody else who gets Newsweek think the picture of Clay and Ruben from American Idol on the top right hand corner of the cover make them both look like Muppets, specifically Beaker and Rowlf?

Anybody who still thinks Bush’s trying to get rid of the dividend tax is a good idea, please read this. Warren Buffet makes a far more eloquent and well-supported argument than I ever could.

Seeing people you haven’t seen in quite some time + Shitloads of alcohol for the first time in a month = Good, good fun.

I noticed today that when I was checking a post, the counter was at 7666. Does this mean I’m officially in the seventh circle of hell?

I got back from work today at about 8:15ish, and saw I had three messages. I never have three messages. I figured either something important had happened and for some reason nobody thought to call my cell phone, or one was from a telemarketer and the others were from my folks, who usually just want ...

A brief update: – Work is good. Memorizing a shitload of ingredients daily bites the big one. I’ve been doing shadow shifts a week earlier than I thought I was going to be able to, which is a double-edged sword because I’m really exhausted. – All my various injuries are making progress, but not healed. ...

I had my little orientation at CPK today, two weeks late due to the wonderous timing of my acute appendicitis. I have discovered two things about this job: 1. I am going to have to work very hard not to put back on all the weight I’ve lost in the last six months (mostly via ...

Yay! My stepbrother and his wife had their kid! Well, more accurately, Trudy had it and Doug is handing out cigars to half the western hemisphere, but nonetheless, I’m now 7 times a stepaunt. Maxwell Robert Kremer was born at 11:42am this morning, weighing in at 7lbs 15oz, and measuring 20.5 inches. Pictures, I’m told, ...