Some days, I like to check my horoscope at the end of the day to see if it was right. It’s usually about four seconds’ worth of amusement, but today, it left me thoroughly confused.

Here, I shit you not, was my horoscope today from the Washington Post:

GEMINI (May 21-June 21). People read you as if they can see what you are thinking. Maybe they can. What if a thought is a thing that has shape, weight and color? Go about your thinking as if this were the case.

Clearly, the person who wrote this was even higher than most people who write horoscopes.

I would have expected that from the Onion. Hell, my Onion horoscope makes MORE sense:

Gemini: (May 21—June 21) You hold advanced degrees in mathematics and physics, collect Renaissance bronzes, and have an especial penchant for chamber music, but a leading deodorant company insists you’re a “Mitchum Man.”

It’s silly, but at least it sort of makes sense (and is supposed to be a joke), and doesn’t sound like it was translated from Japanese to English by someone who only speaks Swahili.

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