The Onion Has Been Watching Me

I saw this in the Onion and giggled, because this describes a few (though thankfully not too many) of my hiatus days to a frighteningly accurate degree:

Noisy Upstairs Neighbors Wake Man At 3pm

SAN LUIS OBISPO, CA—The inconsiderate residents of the apartment above Jim Bracker, 23, woke him from a sound slumber several minutes before 3 p.m. Monday. “Christ, quit with the aerobics already,” a groggy Bracker shouted toward the ceiling. “You’ve been jumping up and down for half an hour!” Unable to return to sleep, Bracker resigned himself to channel-surfing until he was forced to drag himself into the shower and ready himself to meet a friend for a 5:15 p.m. movie.

Generally it’s my upstairs neighbors doing what sounds like playing pool on the floor instead of aerobics, but it’s disturbingly close. And the fact that the man is 23 is just perfect.

Now if only I could get my dickweed downstairs neighbors to shift their building-shaking basslines and random plays of Dueling Banjos to 3pm instead of 4:30am, it’d really be an Onion article come true.

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