Laz and Christin, you got in under the wire, and I am indeed happy for you. But I’m drawing a line in the sand. Right here, right now.
The rest of y’all, STOP GETTING MARRIED AND HAVING CHILDREN.
Too many people I know are marrying and reproducing, and my brain cannot handle the levels of cognitive dissonance this trend is causing.
I still feel like a kid, and I strongly feel that we kids should not get married. Granted, I still live like a college student, so that probably contributes to my complete and total lack of maturity.
I mean, I’m making small steps towards adulthood: I bought a real couch. I bought it weeks ago, although it won’t arrive until next weekend. But for me, this was a huge, almost unfathomable step.
The idea that increasing numbers of y’all consider yourselves mature enough to get married and/or reproduce is really beginning to unnerve me.
It’s certainly an “It’s Not You, It’s Me” thing, but I feel I should really at least attempt to make the following entirely unreasonable demands in order to try and maintain my rapidly fading grip on my sanity:
Anyone who is already engaged or married or has kid(s), you are grandfathered in. If you are engaged, you may get married (take your time).
If you are married and/or have kids, you may have one (1) more child in the next three (3) years. I have high hopes that in three years I’ll be able to handle this a little better.
But until then, the rest of you lot, HELP ME STOP THIS MADNESS.
Cut to: Two days from now when there are two more engagement announcements and a “Hey, we eloped!” postcard in my mailbox and at least one blog post announcing a pregnancy.
Mwahahahahahahahaha!