Listy Fun 5

The ever-qualified Palm Beach Post has printed a list of the 50 worst songs by great artists. As with any list, this one has its strong points and its weak ones.

Songs I agree belong on the list:

  • In The Ghetto, Elvis Presley: I can’t even tell you how many times I had to listen to this with my Elvis-worshipping mom. It’s painful.
  • Shiny Happy People, R.E.M.: A much-maligned song. And with good reason.
  • My Ding-A-Ling, Chuck Berry: Lyrics aren’t exactly Chuck’s strong suit, but this was pretty bad, even for him.
  • Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing, Aerosmith: Put the final nail in the coffin of my teenage Aerosmith fandom by recording a song written by the musical Antichrist (Diane Warren).
  • Ebony and Ivory, Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder: Two musical greats, dooming us to a lifetime of movies and television shows playing this horrifically sappy song at interracial weddings.

Songs that I like that ended up on the list:

  • Angie, The Rolling Stones: I know it’s kind of annoying. But fuck you, I like this song.
  • Numb, U2: It’s droning and monotonous. And yet somehow, it still rocks.
  • Squeeze Box, The Who: The lyrics are dippy, I’ll grant you, but it’s still a damn good song.
  • Fitter Happier, Radiohead: See Numb. There’s something hypnotizing about this song.

Songs that should have ended up on the list:

  • Sweet Child O’ Mine, Sheryl Crow: I love Sheryl, and I tried to defend this at the time it was released. I now see the error of my ways, and ask forgiveness.
  • Run For Your Life, The Beatles: Because even if it’s a joke, threatening to kill your girlfriend for cheating isn’t that funny.
  • The Ground Beneath Her Feet, U2: A song written for a novel. I’m sure the lyrics read a lot better than U2’s least catchy melody ever, and I include the practically atonal “Numb” in that statement.
  • Californication, The Red Hot Chili Peppers: A low point on their recent decline. I fucking hate this song.

So that’s my partial list. I haven’t included about three dozen albums that have just completely sucked, because that would have taken hours. Let the comment-section arguments begin!

I’d also like to note that while I was typing this post, I saw one of the oddest musical groupings I’ve ever seen:

Heart (yes, Heart), Wynonna Judd, and Layne Stayley from Alice in Chains all playing Led Zepplin’s “Rock and Roll” on CMT Crossroads. It sounded pretty good, but what the hell?!

5 thoughts on “Listy Fun

  1. Reply Laz Jul 10,2004 6:54 pm

    I love “In The Ghetto.” One of those hilariously cheesy songs that are Karaoke gold.

    And the Palm Beach Post rules! I did my TN there! Quite honestly may be the best paper in America of its size (about 200,000 circ).

  2. Reply Nate Pence Jul 11,2004 9:09 am

    Dude, don’t knock “Run For Your Life”. It’s one of my favorite early(ish) Beatles songs.

  3. Reply Mark Jul 12,2004 12:27 am

    Aw, gosh…I like Californication. RHCP somehow managed to mention the planet Alderaan in it, and I think they should get some credit for that.

  4. Reply Ellen Jul 12,2004 11:24 am

    Mark, I give the Chili Peppers credit for mentioning Alderaan. I still hate the song.

    Nate, I’m not denying that Run For Your Life is catchy as hell. But the first time I read the lyrics, it gave me the chills. The odd thing is that I like a lot of songs with way more disturbing lyrics, but this one just always weirded me out.

    Laz, picturing you and Epstein doing a karaoke duet of “In The Ghetto” fucking cracks me up.

  5. Reply Laz Jul 13,2004 1:56 am

    Epstein’s got a falsetto voice, so he can do the female background singers part well.

    I can hear it now…

    Laz: A hungry little boy with the runny nose, plays in the street as the cold wind blows in the Ghetto.

    Epstein: IN THE GHEEEETOOOOOOOOO!

    Laz: And his hunger burns… so he starts to roam the streets at night and he learns how to steal and he learns how to fight, in the ghetto.

    Epstein: IN THE GHEEEETOOOOOOOOO!

    That could be a platinum record, yo.

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