disgusting things ← Ellen Shapiro dot com ← Page 2

Flavor vs. Color 2

Nov

28

2007

Having had a bad cold and having blown through my remaining supply of Real (ie. pseudoephedrine-based) NyQuil, when I stopped by the drugstore to pick up another prescription tonight, I decided to pick up some more of the good stuff. Two problems arose with this idea. First, because pseudoephedrine is used in the manufacture of ...

He Ate WHAT?!

Oct

26

2007

I listen to the BBC Global News Podcast in the car while I’m schlepping various things around Los Angeles, because it’s an easy way for me to maintain my goal of being reasonably informed about the rest of the world. It’s normally fairly straightforward and British and reserved, but with one rather odd story to ...

Plain Cheese =! Anchovies

Sep

14

2007

So I used to eat a lot of pizza, but as I’ve been trying to lose a large amount of weight, I’ve limited myself to one pizza per five pounds lost. After a long break because I took so much time off the gym after my surgery, tonight was a pizza night. I was very ...

Scratch That Itch 1

Jul

13

2007

I can’t tell what the hell is going on anymore with these ridiculous bug bites I’m getting. I keep getting these horrid, hive-like things all over myself, and if I hadn’t had chicken pox when I was three, I’d be concerned I had it now. Most of the time these itches flare up at the ...

That Can’t Be Good

Jun

30

2007

I knew Chaplin wasn’t going to react well to me being back at work all day today, after being home with him for the last 2 months. Puking all over my bed, though…that’s a new one. Bad kitty. Good thing I was already planning on doing laundry tomorrow.

Fleabag

Jun

15

2007

It is a moment many a pet owner has had, and it’s never good. You look at your pet, and you think you see something moving. And you move some fur and you look closer and you realize: It’s a flea. Your pet has fleas. Oh god, there are FLEAS IN THIS HOUSE! AAAAAAAAAAAH! That ...

“I’ve Got David Duke and Farrakahn Down There!”

Jan

31

2007

I don’t know why, but for about the last 20 hours, I’ve been really nauseous. I have a Seinfeldian non-vomit streak going (last time was when I was 10 and had food poisoning from bad shrimp), but I don’t know how much longer it will last. I have stayed home from work in an effort ...