disgusting things ← Ellen Shapiro dot com

Bad Kitty

Sep

14

2008

Chaplin generally gets cranky with me when I go back to work after a long layoff. Usually this manifests itself in a couple weeks of him mistaking my arms, legs, and occasionally hair for dinner. The biting is annoying, but I would have preferred it to the stunt he pulled this time. I should preface ...

Okay, Lungs, Very Funny

Jul

30

2008

It’s real amusing that you’re trying to escape my chest, but making me cough so much I lose my voice is not fuckin’ cool. And making me whip suddenly between restlessly full of energy and narcoleptically exhausted is not helping, either. I guarantee you that I will start feeling better approximately the same time friday ...

Miscellany From The Last Day of Shooting 4

Jun

28

2008

A few bits of errata, Laz style: — Because we were on a Wednesday-Sunday shooting schedule, I had taken to calling each day “Fake ____”. Like Wednesday was Fake Monday, Thursday was Fake Tuesday, Friday was Fake Wednesday. Today, the last day I have to deal with this shift, I found a flaw in my ...

Not Dead Yet

Jun

25

2008

Most of the fleas I’ve been battling, however, are. Huzzah! I hit a bunch of the rest with a big-ass can of Raid this evening, and they do not seem to have recovered…yet. Unfortunately, because of my high sensitivity to the bites, I’m still absolutely covered in them. Even the smallest ones take well over ...

When Fleas, Six-Day Weeks and 5:30 PM Call Times Collide

Jun

22

2008

It’s been hellaciously hot in L.A. this week, so the fleas that I thought I’d gotten rid of are back with a MASSIVE vengeance. The only real solution is to flea-bomb the house to kill ’em all. The problem is, flea-bombing is a stupidly elaborate and time-consuming process, since it has a tendency to cover ...

It’s Time For Another Good Idea, Bad Idea

Jun

18

2008

Courtesy of the Tenant Services folks in the building where our Production Office is located: Good Idea: Throwing a picnic for the tenants to kick off the summer and show your appreciation of their business. Bad Idea: Serving Chili at the picnic, to a building full of people whose office windows do not open. I’m ...

Thoughts That Cross My Mind

Jun

2

2008

After blotting calamine lotion on my ridiculous number of flea bites, leaving a pattern of dark pink spots on pasty white skin: “God, I look like a gay leopard.”

A Brief List Of Things I Am Doing Instead of Posting 2

Jun

1

2008

1. Killing fleas. 2. Washing all my bedding. 3. Working. 4. Itching. 5. Working. 6. Eating. 7. Itching some more. 8. Working some more. 9. Driving. 10. Killing a couple more fleas. 11. Applying calamine lotion. 12. Working. 13. Going to the gym. 14. Itching. 15. Wishing Chaplin were not so susceptible to fleas. 16. ...

Is It Just Me? 3

May

12

2008

I’m not normally a germophobe, but this morning at the gym, someone did something that icked me out something awful. When you swim, you’re supposed to rinse off in the communal shower by the pool before and after. This both helps prevent dirt from getting in the pool (before) and helps get rid of some ...

And You Thought You Had A Shitty Christmas 1

Dec

26

2007

Clearly, none of us have anything on this guy.