chaplin ← Ellen Shapiro dot com ← Page 4

Who Wants To Feed A Starving TV Industry Employee?

Oct

29

2007

This is looking increasingly likely to become a reality show starting Friday. At least the mediator the Feds are sending in is a black belt in aikido, and can kick the shit out of the moron negotiators if they have another fight over chairs. Looks like me and Chaplin are going to be fighting over ...

Shopping Signs

Aug

29

2007

I’m not sure what this is a sign of, but it’s got to be a sign of something. I can be completely out of every ounce of substances edible to humans, but if I’m tired, I’ll just say “Fuck it, I’ll pick something up tomorrow.” But if I’m even almost out of cat food, it ...

That Can’t Be Good

Jun

30

2007

I knew Chaplin wasn’t going to react well to me being back at work all day today, after being home with him for the last 2 months. Puking all over my bed, though…that’s a new one. Bad kitty. Good thing I was already planning on doing laundry tomorrow.

Unintentional International Commerce

Jun

27

2007

When I found fleas on Chaplin, one of the first things I did was order up some Frontline Plus, having gotten assurances from several other pet owners that it will keep fleas off him for good. I bought it from an “Amazon Marketplace” seller who listed her location as Wisconsin for about $20 cheaper than ...

Fleabag

Jun

15

2007

It is a moment many a pet owner has had, and it’s never good. You look at your pet, and you think you see something moving. And you move some fur and you look closer and you realize: It’s a flea. Your pet has fleas. Oh god, there are FLEAS IN THIS HOUSE! AAAAAAAAAAAH! That ...

Fat Kitty

Jun

12

2007

Using the tried and true method of “weigh self holding cat, then put cat down and weigh self, then subtract,” I was aghast to discover that Chaplin now tips the scales at almost 17 pounds. I put him on the “weightloss/hairball control” formula of cat food when he hit 16, and while he stayed at ...

Chaplin Loves the Colbert Report

Mar

14

2007

So much so that he decided to do his impression of Stephen Colbert in front of the Gigantic Damn Television: click to enlarge

Way Ahead of You

Mar

11

2007

No need for anyone to send me this story about what I can only imagine is Chaplin’s long-lost brother. The detail that it was a black and white cat was not lost on me.

My Cat Is Insane

Oct

17

2006

Tonight’s reason: I had to put on a bunch of IcyHot because of a sore shoulder/neck, and he’s been trying to lick it off. Obviously, I am not permitting him to do so as it is definitely not edible for humans or cats, but I’ve chased him away several times, yet he still keeps coming ...

Bad Kitty 2

Oct

2

2006

Kitty apparently decided to sit on my cable remote just as my TiVo was trying to turn the channel to get Prison Break recording. Because of this, TiVo recorded an hour of some weird OnDemand program about gardening and building large sculptures out of PVC pipe instead. I believe I’ll be hiding the cable remote ...