bizarre ← Ellen Shapiro dot com ← Page 2

Unintentional International Commerce

Jun

27

2007

When I found fleas on Chaplin, one of the first things I did was order up some Frontline Plus, having gotten assurances from several other pet owners that it will keep fleas off him for good. I bought it from an “Amazon Marketplace” seller who listed her location as Wisconsin for about $20 cheaper than ...

Oh Good God

Apr

23

2007

I went to high school with one of the Bachelorettes on the current version of The Bachelor. The night the show premiered, a friend from high school IMed me trying to figure out if it was her, but we weren’t positive. Now, I can officially shake my head in wonder at the ridiculousness. I’m even ...

Cowboy Up

Apr

17

2007

This is getting more ridiculous on a daily basis. So I went to Dr. Hot Shit, who I’d been trying to get in with for a while (and who I got some strings pulled to get into), in order to get a third and final opinion on my foot. Of course, he thinks something else ...

Because People Like To Say Salsa

Apr

3

2007

A couple days ago, a new vehicle arrived in the parking lot behind my building. It’s a bright blue PT Cruiser, wrapped in an ad for a small salsa company with tons of bright yellow chips and bright red bottles of salsa. And bright yellow New Mexico license plates. I am so very, very confused.

Numb13rs 3

Jan

28

2007

They painted the outside of my building in early January, and they took the numbers off the doors when they painted. I’ve been without numbers for a couple weeks now, which was fun when I tried to order in and had to explain to order-takers where in my building my apartment is, only to have ...

Happy New Year! 2

Jan

1

2007

Hope everyone had fun last night. I definitely did, though I believe “getting hammered and playing Cranium” qualifying as fun makes me approximately 400 years old. Sadly, this will be my last update for a few days because I’m about to get sucked back into the vortex of work. My boss is directing the episode ...

Only In L.A.

Nov

14

2006

The picture is so beautiful all it needs is a caption: A nude man is apprehended on the 405 freeway around noon today after he was seen running in freeway lanes near Sunset Blvd. This idiot shut down the busiest freeway in Southern California for half an hour, tying up traffic in both directions for ...

My Cat Is Insane

Oct

17

2006

Tonight’s reason: I had to put on a bunch of IcyHot because of a sore shoulder/neck, and he’s been trying to lick it off. Obviously, I am not permitting him to do so as it is definitely not edible for humans or cats, but I’ve chased him away several times, yet he still keeps coming ...