Retort Reform 4

So I’ve got some sort of weird thing on my chin that itches like hell and that I’m now covering with a band-aid in an effort to get myself to leave it be.

However, this brings up a question, since now I have a band-aid on my face: How did I hurt it?

Since I’d rather not repeatedly go into what it actually is, I’m working on some comical retorts. I work at a comedy show, so they have to be good.

So far, they’re not. Here’s what I’ve come up with:

  • Bar fight.
  • I cut myself shaving.
  • It’s actually a hickey.
  • I didn’t know you were supposed to turn the engine off first…
  • I was slicing onions and I fell asleep on the cutting board.
  • That’s where I’ve been injecting the heroin.
  • The blanket didn’t completely cover the barbed wire on that fence.
  • I got into a knife fight with a midget, and that’s as high up as he could get.
  • That’s how the cat wakes me up.

Any further suggestions I can use at work tomorrow would be greatly appreciated.

4 thoughts on “Retort Reform

  1. Reply Kim May 16,2005 3:43 am

    “It’s a horribly contagious disease so stay away and stop asking me what’s on my face.”

    PS: ew ;)

  2. Reply Ellen May 16,2005 4:14 am

    Hee hee. That one’s under consideration along with “Spider bite” to say to people I don’t like.

    And I know it’s gross, that’s why I’m coming up with alternate explanations.

  3. Reply Nate May 16,2005 6:25 am

    I second the “ew.”

  4. Reply Ellen May 16,2005 4:23 pm

    Man, you guys are acting like I have Alien 5 bursting forth from my face. It’s gross, but it’s not THAT gross.

    No, it’s like a little tiny band-aid. One of the wee ones that come in the “assorted” pack that you never ever ever use except for situations like this, and then they never actually manage to cling to anything you stick them to, so you actually do manage to have use for the five quadrillion of them you have laying around.

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