I was having a conversation with two female co-workers, both of whom are in pretty good shape, when an actress walked by in a dress that was extremely flattering. Co-worker #1: Wow, she looks great. (pause) I need to work out more. Co-worker #2: Yeah, me too. Me: (pause) I want a Twinkie. Suddenly, my ...

Not only did I wear my ugliest work shirt (it’s lime green, people. LIME GREEN) today, but I was completely out of white socks, so I had to wear black ones. Anybody got any idea how ridiculous black socks look with a lime green shirt and blue jeans? Damn, I need to get some quarters.

My brain is totally fried from a combination of not-sleep and work, so I don’t have much to say, and likely won’t until the weekend. To tide you over until then, I hereby present you this picture of Joel’s despicably adorable puppy, who is representing my current state pretty well:

Why on earth would any city place its street signs vertically at street level, where it’s absolutely impossible to read while driving, particularly in the dark? I went to Manhattan Beach to deliver a script tonight and almost crashed my car like four times trying to read the damn signs on the side streets so ...

A cat with a beer bottle isn’t as funny as a dog with a beer bottle, which isn’t as funny as an otter with a beer bottle, which isn’t nearly as funny as rabbits eating weed.

A few thoughts on the Emmy nominations that came out today, which in the interest of not making the main page a mile long, I’ve placed after the jump. And by “a few thoughts,” I mean “a roughly dissertation-length dissection of most of the major categories.” Note: If the link to the full post isn’t ...

Just got an email from my dad about the Emmys: Congratulations on your show being nominated for an Emmy for Best Drama Series. And who is Christopher Meloni? Dad Seriously, the acting noms look like they came from another planet this year. Stockard Channing for Out of Practice? Are you fucking KIDDING? I may have ...

If there are this many illegal fireworks going off in my neighborhood tonight, tomorrow’s going to be hilarious.

While picking up several cases of beer for the impending 4th of July BBQ-O-Rama, I noticed that Fat Tire, one of my favorite beers anywhere, has finally made its way into Ralph’s. I think this is the first time I’ve ever actually thanked the manager of a supermarket for carrying a product.

I wonder what the eloquent elevator debaters in my building will have to say about this note that was in the elevator when I got home: