food ← Ellen Shapiro dot com

Revenge of the Freshman 15 1

Jul

26

2010

Those of you who’ve known me for a while know that I’ve lost a lot of weight – at my lowest point, I’d lost 86 pounds. I am literally a different person than I was when this all started President’s day weekend of 2007. But in the last couple of months since school started, I’ve ...

Fluish Princess

Oct

28

2009

It’s official: I have the flu. I tested positive for Influenza A, although apparently for the seasonal type rather than the H1N1 piggy flu type, which I suppose is a small mercy. However, it’s still the damn flu. My fever spiked to 101.9 before I went to bed last night, though it finally broke sometime ...

In The Continuing Vein of Literalism

Jul

7

2009

I thought for a bit about what the hell I was going to do with the gigantic goddamn lemon, and finally, I figured I might as well just keep going with the literal theme of the day: Yep, I made lemonade. An absolutely ridiculous amount of lemonade from one lemon, in fact. Normally to make ...

When Life Gives You Gigantic Goddamn Lemons 1

Jul

7

2009

This monstrosity has been hanging from the lemon tree in my apartment complex for the last few months. Today, just as I was heading past it to go to the gym, it fell off the tree, right next to me. Given everything that’s been going on lately, I had to laugh. Life has now taken ...

An Odd (Healthy) Choice

Mar

11

2008

I eat a lot of Healthy Choice frozen food. I am a terrible cook and I’m trying to lose weight, so their products appeal to me. One of their more respectably tasty entrées is their “Chicken Margherita”, a nice little chicken and pasta dish. For years, it was served in the traditional small, flat box. ...

A Delicious Breakfast of Failure

Jan

7

2008

I was famished when I got back from the gym today, so I poured myself a big bowl of milk and Cheerios. I got about three bites into it when I realized, “Gee, despite the fact that it smelled okay, this milk tastes awfully sour.” I realized how sour as I was pouring the bowl ...

A Magical Place With Aisles and Aisles of Food

Dec

10

2007

I realized tonight as I stopped off at the grocery store on my way home that it’s been an astonishingly long time since I actually went to the grocery store for more than about five items. Since my foot surgery, I’ve gotten highly addicted to getting my groceries delivered. It’s so much easier than going ...

Cheap Eats

Oct

30

2007

So I’ve mentioned my joking plan to subsist on cat food should the strike put me out of work to several people, and I’ve learned a couple of things about inexpensive food: 1. There are a lot more ways to prepare Ramen than you’d think. 2. People seriously will eat anything when they’re stoned. More ...

Plain Cheese =! Anchovies

Sep

14

2007

So I used to eat a lot of pizza, but as I’ve been trying to lose a large amount of weight, I’ve limited myself to one pizza per five pounds lost. After a long break because I took so much time off the gym after my surgery, tonight was a pizza night. I was very ...

Fat Kitty

Jun

12

2007

Using the tried and true method of “weigh self holding cat, then put cat down and weigh self, then subtract,” I was aghast to discover that Chaplin now tips the scales at almost 17 pounds. I put him on the “weightloss/hairball control” formula of cat food when he hit 16, and while he stayed at ...