I have had a recurring case of the hiccups for the last couple of days. And it is driving me fucking crazy.

I haven’t had hiccups in four or five months, which I realize now is a pretty damn long time not to have the hiccups. I think my cumulative hiccups for that time have come out in the last few days.

It’s great trying to talk to people and be dignified on the phone when you’re having a terrible bout of hiccups, especially because I work at a comedy show, so some people at least suspect that I’m fucking with them.

Every time I turn around, I’m hiccuping like a drunk in an old Warner Brothers cartoon. And most of the time, it takes about three bouts of gargling to get rid of them.

Yes, my personal hiccup trick: Gargle water, and swallow while you’re still facing up at the ceiling. The louder and more enthusiastically you gargle, the more effective it is.

At least in terms of getting rid of the hiccups. It’s not terribly effective at convincing your co-workers that you’re not completely fucking insane. There were actually people looking in from other offices to see what the hell was going on.

But the last batch of hiccups, I finally got rid of by just holding my breath until I almost passed out, and not having to gargle.

I think that’s a major step in the right direction.

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