Caution: Job Angst within. Proceed at your own risk.

I’ve realized that I have no idea what I want to do with my life, at least on any sort of permanent basis.

I know I want to keep working at the show, and try and get brought on as a production assistant next year, but then…what?

This is not an inconsequential question. When I started working at the show, I realized that I enjoyed this a hell of a lot more than I enjoyed sound designing.

I enjoy adrenalin over endless tweaking. I enjoy fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants over tedious perfectionism. I like working in television a lot more than I like doing post-production.

So that much is decided, which is at least good. But once I’m past that, I’m not sure what I want. I’m not sure I want to completely give up being a tech/production geek and try to be a producer, but I’m not sure I want to be a geek full-time.

I think part of the problem is that I’ve switched paths so much in the last couple years, that I’ve wandered into a completely different part of the woods. I like it, I’m just not entirely sure what I’m doing here.

I mean, two years ago, I seriously still thought I was going to try and swing being at least a part-time professional musician. I still love it, but I’ve been regarding it more as a hobby lately.

I swore I’d never move to L.A., and now I’m here and having a fucking blast.

I thought I’d dedicate my life to tweaking sound, and now even the thought of listening to 1kHz tone to try and balance speakers makes me shudder.

I keep seeing everyone at work with these detailed career plans, and I wonder if I’m missing out on something, just going with the flow and seeing where it takes me.

And I also realize that not having a clear career path is going to hurt my career at some point. You’ve got to know what you want and go for it in this business, and not knowing what you want is a serious handicap in that pursuit.

I guess things will make themselves clearer over the next year or two, but it’s weird to me to not have any concrete plans after the season ends in May.

My whole life was ridiculously planned out until after I graduated from college, and I’ve realized since I moved out here that I’ve been basically flying by the seat of my pants.

So maybe it’s time to sit down and figure out what I want, but maybe that time shouldn’t come for another little while. Flying by the seat of my pants has been working well so far.

Why mess with success?

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