The Northwestern student government had its yearly elections last week, and, as usual, they’ve posted the complete list of write-in candidates, which you can view for your amusement here.
Had I been eligible to vote (I assumed I’m not, since I graduated in December), I would have voted for Sexy Lesbians.
Some of my other favorites (all unaltered):
President
– Disband ASG (3 votes)
– Scrooge McDuck (2 votes)
– MacGyver (1 vote)
– Respectable Dildo (1 vote)
– Taxi Drivers From Cancun (1 vote)
– The Baby Jesus Butt Plug (1 vote)
– candidate of mass destruction (1 vote)
– oven mitt (1 vote)
Exec VP
– Grimace (23 votes)
– Your Friendly Neighborhood Ego (3 votes)
– My Left Nut (2 votes)
– Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf [Iraqi Information Minister] (2 votes)
– Mike Fong or anyone who can actually do this job with a hint of competence (1 vote)
– Need A. Job (1 vote)
– derek jeter’s ass (1 vote)
– sexy bisexuals (1 vote)
– A Plate of Collard Greens (1 vote)
– A Red Foosball Goalie (1 vote)
– A herd of wild goats of the Serengheti (1 vote)
– Alberto Fujimori’s left ass cheek (1 vote)
Academic VP
– I love to Fuck Goats (2 votes)
– Jolly Green Giant (2 votes)
– I should have gone to Harvard (1 vote)
– I’m so high right now (1 vote)
– I’m tired and want to go home. (1 vote)
– maybe someone older than 12 (1 vote)
– 1993-94 Winnipeg Jets (1 vote)
– Dee Fenestrator (1 vote)
Student Services VP
– Adam Forsyth vomited all over my suite & never apologized (2 votes)
– My Left Ass Cheek (2 votes)
– Jesus (2 votes)
– My cheating ex-boyfriend and his tiny penis. (1 vote)
– Standard ASG Resume Builder (1 vote)
– TEMPURA…Deep fried (1 vote)
– asg sucks the respectable dildo well (1 vote)
– rumplestilskin (1 vote)
– why did i waste my time on this? (1 vote)
Actually, I think many more people than the one person who voted as such were thinking that.