I think I would have gotten a much bigger laugh out of the Free Condom Harsh Reminder of Sexless Existence story in The Onion if it didn’t remind me so much of the guys with the nudie cards in Vegas reminding me of my sexless existence.
But then I got wasted and made out with a dentist, so all is well. Or, more accuately, not…
Best paragraph:
“When I sort of frowned at the condom in my hand, they pulled me over to pick any that I liked better from their cornucopia of condoms,” Tudor said. “Lubricated, non-lubricated, for-her-pleasure, for-his, mint-flavored. They even had ones wrapped in foil that looked like candy coins. Which, I hate to admit, caught my eye for a second. Chocolate, I would’ve had some use for.”