The One Where Ellen Nicknames Everyone

I think my life is turning into some sort of bizarre episode of Friends.

Why? Nicknames.

I have, over the last few months, taken to doling out nicknames to people that my core group of friends doesn’t know so I can just plug in the nickname instead of explaining who the fuck I’m talking about every time I mention the name of someone they don’t know.

It was pointed out to me that I probably picked this up from Friends. They nickname all sorts of minor characters: Ugly Naked Guy, The Morning’s Here Neighbor…and I hadn’t watched the damn show in 3 years up until earlier this year!

Anyway, it’s been a convenient shorthand, especially because I hadn’t actually gotten anywhere with any of the people I had nicknamed (since they were mostly girls that I found attractive, and a couple of sketchballs I wouldn’t have touched with a 50 foot pole).

However, problems seem to be arising with the latest person I have bestowed a nickname upon, Rugby Chick, because contrary to my usual practice of sitting on my ass and lusting after someone and never doing anything about it, I actually asked her out. And she said yes.

And things went well. And we went out for coffee again, and that was cool.

But now the problem arises. When I say to my friends, “Megan and I went out again Wednesday,” they give me a blank stare, and occasionally make the “Yuh?” noise popularized by Tim Allen in Home Improvement.

But when I clarify, “Rugby chick…,” I suddenly get recognition. Shit. I need to start identifying people by their actual names and stop bestowing people with silly nicknames.

I’m hoping that things continue to go well with her, and if they do, this is going to end up being a much bigger problem than I bargained for.

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