Some days I feel like I really don’t know anything.
I feel as if don’t know how to communicate with humans on a fairly basic level, since several times in the last few months I have said something that I thought was fairly clear, and the person I have been talking to thinks I’m saying something completely different, and usually insulting.
I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do with my life. Professional Musician is still my primary career goal, and it’s the only one I really want. However, there are several large problems with this, in that I don’t have a band, I haven’t played a single goddamn gig in over a year, and the number of people who know me and my music are primarily from musician mailing lists I send bitchy emails to every once in a while. Until I can make this line of work somewhat viable or fall desperately in love with someone with a desperately enormous amount of money, I need a goddamn job.
These are just a couple of examples, but lately I’ve been feeling like I must have killed off too may brain cells drinking last quarter or something, because I feel generally incompetent at pretty much everything.
Though I did score a minor victory in that department by largely assembling a tv-holder-upper (“entertainment center”) and a surround sound system. It’s odd that the only thing that reassures me that I’m not a total waste of space is that I can follow directions to put things together.
Maybe I should work for someplace like this business in DC called Some Assembly Required that puts furniture and other large objects together for people. They managed to put an excersize bike together at my mom’s house (not like it did anything but collect dust). I could do that. I’d be broke as shit, because I doubt they pay well, but I could do that.