Listy Fun 5

The ever-qualified Palm Beach Post has printed a list of the 50 worst songs by great artists. As with any list, this one has its strong points and its weak ones.

Songs I agree belong on the list:

  • In The Ghetto, Elvis Presley: I can’t even tell you how many times I had to listen to this with my Elvis-worshipping mom. It’s painful.
  • Shiny Happy People, R.E.M.: A much-maligned song. And with good reason.
  • My Ding-A-Ling, Chuck Berry: Lyrics aren’t exactly Chuck’s strong suit, but this was pretty bad, even for him.
  • Don’t Wanna Miss A Thing, Aerosmith: Put the final nail in the coffin of my teenage Aerosmith fandom by recording a song written by the musical Antichrist (Diane Warren).
  • Ebony and Ivory, Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder: Two musical greats, dooming us to a lifetime of movies and television shows playing this horrifically sappy song at interracial weddings.

Songs that I like that ended up on the list:

  • Angie, The Rolling Stones: I know it’s kind of annoying. But fuck you, I like this song.
  • Numb, U2: It’s droning and monotonous. And yet somehow, it still rocks.
  • Squeeze Box, The Who: The lyrics are dippy, I’ll grant you, but it’s still a damn good song.
  • Fitter Happier, Radiohead: See Numb. There’s something hypnotizing about this song.

Songs that should have ended up on the list:

  • Sweet Child O’ Mine, Sheryl Crow: I love Sheryl, and I tried to defend this at the time it was released. I now see the error of my ways, and ask forgiveness.
  • Run For Your Life, The Beatles: Because even if it’s a joke, threatening to kill your girlfriend for cheating isn’t that funny.
  • The Ground Beneath Her Feet, U2: A song written for a novel. I’m sure the lyrics read a lot better than U2’s least catchy melody ever, and I include the practically atonal “Numb” in that statement.
  • Californication, The Red Hot Chili Peppers: A low point on their recent decline. I fucking hate this song.

So that’s my partial list. I haven’t included about three dozen albums that have just completely sucked, because that would have taken hours. Let the comment-section arguments begin!

I’d also like to note that while I was typing this post, I saw one of the oddest musical groupings I’ve ever seen:

Heart (yes, Heart), Wynonna Judd, and Layne Stayley from Alice in Chains all playing Led Zepplin’s “Rock and Roll” on CMT Crossroads. It sounded pretty good, but what the hell?!

5 thoughts on “Listy Fun

  1. Reply Laz Jul 10,2004 6:54 pm

    I love “In The Ghetto.” One of those hilariously cheesy songs that are Karaoke gold.

    And the Palm Beach Post rules! I did my TN there! Quite honestly may be the best paper in America of its size (about 200,000 circ).

  2. Reply Nate Pence Jul 11,2004 9:09 am

    Dude, don’t knock “Run For Your Life”. It’s one of my favorite early(ish) Beatles songs.

  3. Reply Mark Jul 12,2004 12:27 am

    Aw, gosh…I like Californication. RHCP somehow managed to mention the planet Alderaan in it, and I think they should get some credit for that.

  4. Reply Ellen Jul 12,2004 11:24 am

    Mark, I give the Chili Peppers credit for mentioning Alderaan. I still hate the song.

    Nate, I’m not denying that Run For Your Life is catchy as hell. But the first time I read the lyrics, it gave me the chills. The odd thing is that I like a lot of songs with way more disturbing lyrics, but this one just always weirded me out.

    Laz, picturing you and Epstein doing a karaoke duet of “In The Ghetto” fucking cracks me up.

  5. Reply Laz Jul 13,2004 1:56 am

    Epstein’s got a falsetto voice, so he can do the female background singers part well.

    I can hear it now…

    Laz: A hungry little boy with the runny nose, plays in the street as the cold wind blows in the Ghetto.


    Laz: And his hunger burns… so he starts to roam the streets at night and he learns how to steal and he learns how to fight, in the ghetto.


    That could be a platinum record, yo.

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