Along My Bike Ride Today

I saw it in the distance. And I thought,”What the fuck is that sitting on the sand? It looks like a boat. It…is a boat…”: Okay, so it’s a boat just sitting in the middle of the sand on the middle of a very busy beach. I have a few questions. 1. How exactly did ...

Things I Did Not Need To Find Out

In case you’ve ever wondered, “So, what happens when you’re biking along and a car creates a small pothole and sends little chunks of asphalt everywhere?” I can now say: You hear the bang, and half a second later you feel an intense pain in your thigh. You pull over for a second, say, “OW, ...

That Ain’t Right 3

What the fuck is going on with the weather out West? First it snows six inches in Antelope Valley (just north of Los Angeles) this morning, then I see this: That’s the big fake Pharoah at the Luxor. In fucking LAS VEGAS. Yes, that’s right, folks, Las Vegas got six inches of snow today, too. ...

What’s Up, Doc?

Two bits of interest from my annual physical this morning. First of all, I’ve grown an inch. I’ve never measured above 5’4″, and often called myself 5’4″ on a good day. For some reason, today, I measured 5’5″ even. Not that I’m complaining, particularly since this height change knocks a solid point off my BMI. ...

Achtung: Flying Fish

I went fishing with my dad today, and he did really well. He caught five fish: two HUGE cutthroat trout, two good-sized rainbows, and a pretty decent-sized brook trout. I, on the other hand…I hooked one fish myself. Well, hooked might not be the right word. I had a little rainbow that was maybe five ...

Partly Cloudy With A Chance of DOOOOOM 1

Today’s forecast was partly cloudy, 0% chance of rain, as it normally is between mid-March and late October in Southern California. I thought it was weird enough when I looked out the window around noon, and there was a freak rainstorm downtown with raindrops so large that I thought it was hailing. But out in ...

This Can’t Be Right 4

But I’ll enjoy it while it lasts: So confused…Orioles…winning? Bwah?

Inappropriate Historical Hilarity

I saw this in a comment thread on Fark today, and I couldn’t stop laughing for about five minutes afterwards. I don’t know why I found this so goddamn funny, but it still makes me snicker when I look at it.

I Guess This Means I Should Buy A Hamburger Phone 1

I just had the fifth person I know tell me unsolicited that they watched Juno and she reminded them of me. I take it as a compliment, since I really liked the character. However, this raises two related questions for me: 1. How much weirder does this trend make it that this movie made me ...