Caution: Student Government At Work

The Northwestern student government had its yearly elections last week, and, as usual, they’ve posted the complete list of write-in candidates, which you can view for your amusement here.

Had I been eligible to vote (I assumed I’m not, since I graduated in December), I would have voted for Sexy Lesbians.

Some of my other favorites (all unaltered):

President

– Disband ASG (3 votes)

– Scrooge McDuck (2 votes)

– MacGyver (1 vote)

– Respectable Dildo (1 vote)

– Taxi Drivers From Cancun (1 vote)

– The Baby Jesus Butt Plug (1 vote)

– candidate of mass destruction (1 vote)

– oven mitt (1 vote)

Exec VP

– Grimace (23 votes)

– Your Friendly Neighborhood Ego (3 votes)

– My Left Nut (2 votes)

– Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf [Iraqi Information Minister] (2 votes)

– Mike Fong or anyone who can actually do this job with a hint of competence (1 vote)

– Need A. Job (1 vote)

– derek jeter’s ass (1 vote)

– sexy bisexuals (1 vote)

– A Plate of Collard Greens (1 vote)

– A Red Foosball Goalie (1 vote)

– A herd of wild goats of the Serengheti (1 vote)

– Alberto Fujimori’s left ass cheek (1 vote)

Academic VP

– I love to Fuck Goats (2 votes)

– Jolly Green Giant (2 votes)

– I should have gone to Harvard (1 vote)

– I’m so high right now (1 vote)

– I’m tired and want to go home. (1 vote)

– maybe someone older than 12 (1 vote)

– 1993-94 Winnipeg Jets (1 vote)

– Dee Fenestrator (1 vote)

Student Services VP

– Adam Forsyth vomited all over my suite & never apologized (2 votes)

– My Left Ass Cheek (2 votes)

– Jesus (2 votes)

– My cheating ex-boyfriend and his tiny penis. (1 vote)

– Standard ASG Resume Builder (1 vote)

– TEMPURA…Deep fried (1 vote)

– asg sucks the respectable dildo well (1 vote)

– rumplestilskin (1 vote)

– why did i waste my time on this? (1 vote)

Actually, I think many more people than the one person who voted as such were thinking that.

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