Updated Update

Okay, I can sit and type for a few minutes now, so here’s what’s happening with the Ass Cyst Follies:

Surgery went well, although one little snag was that apparently the particular hospital I went to requires that you be intubated (have a tube shoved down your throat so you can breathe) if you get general anesthetic, so I had a sore throat and talked like Carol Channing for a couple of days.

I’ve been lying around and reading and watching an absurd amount of movies and generally losing my mind because it hurts to walk more than about a block, and thus I’ve left the house about twice in the last week, not counting doctor visits.

I’ve also been doing a whole lot of bitching, but that’s normal for me. Though I think Adam and Katy are about to be like, “Okay, look bitch…”, since they have to deal with things like being Editor in Chief of the Daily and having a severely compressed quarter, respectively.

I also seem to have killed off a number of brain cells, because I’m forgetting things left and right and generally feeling like a senile 78-year old (insert your own joke about them actually removing my brain from my ass instead of the cyst…here).

I’m sure this sounds like a fun time to most of you, but I want to go out and get on with my life, get a job, get a life, just get done with all of this shit and move on. Alas, it ain’t gonna happen anytime soon, because I’ll probably still be in a lot of pain for at least another week.

At least I’m off the Darvocet now. There’s a warning on the bottle that says “May Cause Drowsiness.” It should say “May Cause Narcolepsy,” because that shit will knock you out colder than Alaska in February, and will do it without warning.

Anyway, more sporadic updates to come as I’m able to sit for longer periods of time.

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