Two

Almost done…

I bid farewell to the first of my film buddies today…remember the name Jeremy Latcham, because he’s gonna go out and kick ass and take names. He’s a good guy who works his ass of, and mark my words, he’ll rule Hollywood someday.

I was joking with him that by the time this happens, he’ll be talking to an aged Reese Witherspoon and offering everyone cocaine, but I think he really could do it. He’s got his shit together, quite a bit more than anyone I know.

It’s very weird saying goodbye to someone you’re not sure you’ll ever see again. I hate Los Angeles, and I’m going to do everything in my power to avoid moving there, so I don’t think my chances of running into him professionally again are too high.

Someday I may see him on Entertainment Tonight, talking about how his studio has just had its first billion-dollar opening weekend (don’t laugh, it’ll happen sooner than you think). But it’s sad to think this is the last time he’s gonna be around when a bunch of us film nerds go and get plastered.

At least until the Reunion. Then whoever’s not in AA will go out and get plastered, and everyone else can have an AA meeting.

I stopped into the Best Western bar, where my friend Eric works, on the way home, since I looked in the window and it was completely empty except for him. I ended up talking to him about graduating for about half an hour while I lit every match in the pack sitting in front of me.

The Sheryl Crow reference didn’t even hit me until after I left.

And now that I may be leaving soon, I don’t know when the next time I’ll see him is. You never know the last time you’re going to see someone will actually be the last. If you think it’s the last, you’ll inevitably run into each other as whoever is leaving is heading for the airport.

I’m a hell of a lot more scared of graduating than I’d like to admit. Maybe that’s why my job search feels so half-assed, although the job market hasn’t particularly been too hot. Everyone talks to me about being excited, and I should be.

I’m relieved, that’s for fucking sure. I can’t take another day of school without killing something.

But excited? It’s tough to be excited when you have no idea what you’re doing with your life. I give people advice to go with the flow, and I do it, and look what happens to me: I have no idea where the fuck this flow is taking me.

Something will come up, that is inevitable. Maybe it’ll be some dumb receptionist job, maybe it’ll be third shift answering middle-of-the-night customer service calls for some random company, or maybe I’ll actually get to be an engineer.

But right now, all I want is something to hold on to, and that’s the only thing I don’t have.

Which is why I’m doing the only thing I really know how to do: I’m picking up my guitar and ripping off strings until I feel like I know what I’m doing again. I may not actually have a clue, but I want my fucking confidence back.

And when I have that, then I’ll be excited.

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