Hi, I’m a tool, and so are you! What a coincidence!

The Career Fair was today, which I didn’t realize until about 2am last night. I was up until 4am redoing my resume for Things Other Than Professional Sound Nerd, then researching the companies that were coming.

Most were consulting or investment banking firms, so I knew I wasn’t going to have to be there for too long, but there were a couple of places that at least seemed useful.

I got out my (one) pair of nice khakis and a decent shirt, put on my biggest fake grin, and went to try and convince people that I could be a competent employee. I felt like I should have been wearing a sign that said WILL SELL OUT FOR FOOD.

I think I did OK at the couple of places I actually wanted to work, but then I just kind of wandered around and collected a fine assortment of free pens. I even talked to the CIA for a bit, but they have 3 distinct disadvantages:

1) I’d have to move back to D.C., which I’ve vowed never to do,

2) It takes 6-9 months to get a security clearance, and

3) I’d have to at least pretend to like Bush.

I can fake it, but not that well. They did give me a pen as a lovely consolation prize.

I strongly considered fucking with the Marine Corps recruiters and getting into a big conversation with them and being really excited and then going, “Wait, is that whole don’t ask, don’t tell thing still going on?” and then being like, oh, well, I guess I can’t join then.

I managed to restrain myself when I realized they’d probably track me down and kill me, and that was therefore a bad idea. Plus, I know a guy in the Marine Corps and I felt bad when I realized it could have been him standing there, and I’d really feel like an asshole if I did it to him.

Overall, I think I got at least one solid lead out of it, and that’s a lot more than I had yesterday. Meh, this real world thing sucks.

But at least I’m not being a nationally televised slut on the Real World.

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