Injury Report

I swear to god, I injure myself in the dumbest possible ways. And I had two truly brilliant ones today:

1. Caution: Doorknob

I smacked my left forearm on a doorknob so hard that it left a really nasty bruise, leaving me unable to clench my fist for about six hours afterwards. I still can’t pick up anything heavy.

2. Slippery When Antifreeze

I was walking back from the el through the parking lot of the bank, and I was talking to my friend Jon and not paying attention to the ground, and slipped on a big puddle of antifreeze. I felt (and likely looked) like the Coyote slipping on a cartoon banana left by the Road Runner. And I ripped off a toenail in the process, which hurt quite a bit, and got a hell of a lot of antifreeze all over my leg.

You know, when I was younger, they told me I had tested near-genius level on an I.Q. test. Not near enough, clearly.

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