So my friend Jack is without car, and was in need of a bed.
He has an inflatable mattress, but the problem with it is that it deflates over the course of a night, until he wakes up on the floor. He decided that that was pretty fucking lame, and he needed a real bed.
So I picked him up and we went comparison mattress shopping. Coop said that my away message for this event, “taking Jack to the mattress store”, was the best euphemism he’d heard all week.
We went first to a sketchy, sketchy place way out on Dempster, where I had an interesting exchange with the salesman (for those who don’t know Jack, he’s got a girlfriend, and I would if I had the opportunity):
Salesman: So, what kind of bed are you two looking for?
Me: (gales of laughter)
Me: (still laughing) Oh, I’m just the chauffeur.
Eventually, after going many places (including Mattress Giant, they of the semi-pornographic “Ooooh Aaaah!” on all their radio and TV ads), we actually found him a good bed in his price range at some random furniture store in Niles, so all was well.
And I have a feeling the collective giggling over this excursion will continue for some time to come.