What could have been…

You know what pisses me off? Almost awful movies. Not movies that are entirely bad, but movies that are mostly bad, but show flashes of greatness.

Like Attack of the Clones, which I finally got around to seeing tonight.

The thing is woefully miscast. Hayden Christiensen sounds like a whiny brat when he’s supposed to be showing his dark side, and Natalie Portman just. cannot. fucking. act.

They’re also crippled by dialogue so bad I thought my eyes were going to roll out of my head entirely at a couple of points, so that’s of no help.

But there is a scene towards the end STOP READING NOW IF YOU DON’T ALREADY KNOW THE PLOT where Anakin is battling the evil bearded guy in the dark and their faces are only lit by the lightsabers and the music is just drums and it’s fucking fantastic.

And it shows what the movie could have been, which made me so much more pissed off than Phantom Menace did, since that was simply an unabashed piece of shit.

Unabashed pieces of shit you can at least just laugh at. Hell, that’s why I own copies of such utterly awful movies as The Quick And The Dead and Volcano.

Dammit, George Lucas. Either learn to direct actors or let someone else direct the fucking movies. Grr…

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