Top 5 Signs An American Has World Cup Fever:

5. Claims Cup as excuse for staying up until 3am when she has to be at work at 8:30am, instead of traditional stupidity.

4. Actually begins to wonder what the fuck “stoppage time” and “golden goals” are.

3. Decides to watch the game on Telemundo because their satellite feed is 10 seconds faster.

2. And because the announcers are so much more amusing.

1. Starts calling it football instead of soccer.

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