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I think I’ve found a way to combine two of the most popular internet scams (Diets and College Diplomas) into one undefeatable scam: The Soul-Crushing Stress Of College Diet.

Yes, in this scam, er..program, you get sent to a top-flight school for a year. You live on your own, so you don’t feel bad if you waste meals. In fact, you actually save money.

You’re doing so much work that you don’t have time to sleep, let alone eat. And when you do eat, anything you eat gets burned off much easier because you’re constantly awake and burning a great deal more energy than you otherwise would. Hence, you lose weight.

You also, after all of this work, earn a college diploma! Don’t expect it to get you far, though, since employers will want you to have some sort of useable skills, and all you’re going to remember is a pile of statistics about how badly women are getting screwed, paywise.

If you act now, we’ll throw in the extra-special bonus Soul-Crushing Stress, which you can mix and match among the following types:

  • Romantic Problems
  • Backstabbing “Friends”
  • Job Searching
  • Poor Health
  • Theft or Damage of Property, and of course,
  • Parental Psychoticness

    Yes, for only $19.95 a day, you too can earn your college diploma and lose weight at the same time with the Soul-Crushing Stress of College Diet!

    If you’re one of the first 10,000 callers, we’ll even throw in 12 free sessions of mental help from Counseling And Psychological Services! If you’ve got a problem, we’re committed to you! Or we’ll at least commit you!

    Order Now! 1-666-FUCK-U-NU.

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